Psychology today: 6 sure signs of a healthy relationship

I've never reposted anything before, but this seemed like an interesting enough read for me to share.

All relationships are different, but scientific research has shown that certain patterns tend to emerge in healthy, stable, successful partnerships. Take a look at this evidence to evaluate your own relationship—or to gain some tips on how to foster happiness, attachment, love, and satisfaction in your partnership:


1. People in thriving relationships take on their partner's habits, interests, and mannerisms. Have you ever noticed how friends can change when they’re in a relationship? After dating for a little while, they pick up new goals and interests (You went hiking?); new and quirky turns of phrase (Did you really just say “awesomesauce”?); or new habits (When did you start drinking soy milk?). All of these changes, if they reflect habits of a new partner, are signs of self-other overlap, the process of integrating a romantic partner into the self (Aron & Aron, 1996). Self-other overlap is a sign of cognitive interdependence and predicts closeness, love, and relationship maintenance behaviors (Aron & Fraley, 1999), all characteristics of a thriving relationship.


2. In thriving relationships, partners support each others’ opportunities for growth.  Fresh-off-the-press evidence suggests that people are more satisfied in their relationships when their partners actively support their efforts to expand their own horizons (Fivecoat, Tomlinson, Aron, & Caprariello, 2014). It’s a wonderful feeling to grow by taking on a new challenge like training for a half marathon or learning digital photography. These opportunities benefit the person experiencing self-growth, but also boost the relationship—that is, if the other partner is offering active affirming support—through comments like, “I bet you’ll be really good at that,” rather than passive remarks like, “Sounds alright" (p.7). The differential effect of active and passive support is evident primarily in on-going long-term relationships rather than new relationships.


3.  Couples in thriving relationships share their emotions.It’s not enough just to talk with a partner; couples in thriving relationships engage in emotional self-disclosure—the communication of thoughts and ideas with another person. People might easily reveal facts about themselves to others, but sharing private thoughts, reactions, and feelings is a pathway to a deeper connection with a romantic partner, especially when that partner is an engaged listener. Laurenceau and colleagues (1998) showed that emotional self-disclosure to a responsive partner generates intimacy, an important component of healthy relationships. 

4. Partners in thriving relationships engage in frequent non-sexual touch.
Physical touch can take many forms, but the importance of affectionate touch outside of sexual intimacy is often overlooked, despite its active role in supporting relationship health. Couples who engage in frequent physical affection—hugging, kissing on the face, kissing on the lips, massage, or cuddling—tend to be happier and more satisfied with their relationship (Gulledge, Gulledge, & Stahmann, 2003). This research also showed that while affectionate touch didn’t predict the amount of conflict couples experience, people who offered and welcomed non-sexual physical affection reported having an easier time recovering from conflict.

5. Individuals in thriving relationships pay less attention to other attractive people.A fascinating study revealed that the kind of relationship commitment that appears in thriving relationships activates an implicit attentional block against the allure of attractive alternative partners (Maner, Gailliot, & Miller, 2009). In a series of studies, Maner and colleagues primed heterosexual participants with a mating motive and then compared how single participants and participants in committed relationships performed on a computer task that measured their attention to attractive opposite-sex faces. Turns out that the participants in committed relationships paid less attention to the attractive alternatives. Love, it seems, provides an automatic defense system that helps keep people attentive to their current romantic partner.

6. In thriving relationships, couples see the positive sides of commitment.New evidence shows that romantic commitment is multifaceted, reflecting positive, negative, and constraining elements, and how people view their commitment predicts the quality of their romantic relationship (Weigel, Davis, & Woodard, 2014). This study revealed that individuals who tend to perceive their relationship as rich with positive commitment (joy, fulfillment, belonging) tend to relate less negative commitment (worry, irritation, hurt) and less constraint commitment (feeling tied down, stuck, stifled)—and they tend to be much more satisfied in their relationships overall. These people see their relationship as something they want to be in, not something they should or have to be in.  Fostering positive views of commitment is a sure sign of a thriving relationship.

Relationships are complex, and their success is influenced by each individual, their interaction, and their social context. These signs are suggestions that a relationship is on a healthy path, but they operate within the broader context of the relationship and should be considered alongside other markers of relationship health.

It's been a while

Indeed it has. Simply because I have not gathered enough motivation to do so. Just got stuff to do at the end of the day and I get tired pretty easily so no energy. These days I don't even know what to blog about. We're up to week 12 now so it's not long until the crazy exam period. I have to say though, this semester has been the easiest I've ever had. So chill - probably because there's more practical stuff to get us ready for placement next sem. I'm excited to see where God takes me, and I know it'll be a fantastic experience. But then again, there goes my already tiny income. God has blessed me with a good family and boyfriend who are willing to support me for that time, but I'm happy to chip into the money I've saved over the last 2 years. It'll definitely be enough, I just have to keep telling myself I'll earn the money I spend in the 12 months in much less than a month if I can find a job.

Yesterday, mum and I went to the city to get stuff done and stopped at temt to have a look. I've been in desperate need of jeans for a long long time now - my old pair I got in 2008. They were skinny jeans but I've worn them so much they are stretched out and look like straight jeans, and the bum and knee area are so white. Yes, I have looked for jeans but I've never managed to find a pair that will actually fit me. Either the legs are too tight and the waist is too big, or the other way round. Always no good. I must have been going through an awkward body shape phase, or maybe I'm just asian and short. Nevertheless, I finally find a pair that was stretchyish and fit well. Saw some jeans at temt, so I thought why not.. it's probably not going to fit but I have nothing else to do while my mum looks at clothes. It fit like a glove :') So I had to get it. I took interest in the collared shirt because I've been wearing tights for the past year or so and I don't have longer tops which cover my bum. I cannot remember the last time I wore a collared shirt (maybe in high school haha), so this is an item of clothing I am unfamiliar with, but I thought I would give it a try. If I like it, I might invest in more, but one is enough for me now. The bow was on sale, and just to spice up my boring black forest of hair. By the way, don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those people who post up all the clothes they buy, but this was kind of a momentous occasion just because I can't remember the last time I bought clothes. Okay now that I think of it, it was probably at the start of this year when I went to Melbourne... but that was nearly half a year ago. Just happy I guess :)

Oh and another thing, I'm starting to really enjoy going to BSF. It's such a drag for me still, being so time consuming and all, but I've really gotten a lot out of it. God is using the book of Matthew to teach me so much about Jesus, encourage me, and prompt me to examine myself. I'm even starting to enjoy the hymns! We sing out of a hymn book and all the songs are pretty old fashioned. I'm realising though that there's something unique about hymns, and singing with a whole bunch of ladies makes me happy and appreciative, especially when one of the girls in my group sings some really tricky harmony so damn well! Even the drive to and from the church is enjoyable because I can have a chat with my friend in the car. I hope God keeps me in Brisbane so I can continue to attend, and keep getting so much of this rich spiritual food.

Wow such a long post this ended up to be. Anyways, with that being said, I should do some BSF homework