Wednesday, 11 February 2015
Sunday, 7 December 2014
Christmas Wishlist 2014
When people ask me what I want for Christmas, I often reply "I don't really know...". So this year, I'm going give those who want to give me a gift some ideas by posting the items that are catching my eye on this blog. Here goes:
Lime Crime Velvetine Matte Lipstick - In Suede Berry and Wicked
I know... after thinking long and hard about this, I narrowed my list down from about 6 items to only 2 items. Everything else I can get on my own. But this - not so much. I would be very happy to receive these lipsticks for Christmas.
So that is it. If you're wondering why there isn't a photo inserted here, it's because my blogger doesn't work with my home internet - I've successfully uploaded photos using other people's wifi, and it works for some strange reason.
I know... after thinking long and hard about this, I narrowed my list down from about 6 items to only 2 items. Everything else I can get on my own. But this - not so much. I would be very happy to receive these lipsticks for Christmas.
So that is it. If you're wondering why there isn't a photo inserted here, it's because my blogger doesn't work with my home internet - I've successfully uploaded photos using other people's wifi, and it works for some strange reason.
Sunday, 24 August 2014
A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still gently allows you to grow - William Shakespeare
I'm not old, but I can say that I've lived long enough to make some observations on the phenomenon of friendship. There are three kinds of friendships:
a) Friends you make from places you have to be:
These include friends from school, uni or work. You are friends because you have classes together or because you have no-one else to hang out with. I'm not trying to undermine these friendships, because they can turn out to be the best ones, but in my experience, I've generally not been able to take these friendships to a deeper level. Of course I've had exceptions, but usually when you graduate or move to a different job, these friendships quickly drift apart. Sure you try to catch up once or twice, but you can't deny the fact that it's the circumstance that held your friendships together. When you get busier, either one of you doesn't put in the effort, and what you had in common is no longer there.
b) Friends you make from childhood:
These include friends from preschool (back when it still existed)/childcare/primary school friends, church friends (I grew up going to church). These friendships bring back the most memories. Back then, it was so simple and everything was so fun. We did life together and grew up together. We went to watch movies, do craft, have sleepovers together and a whole bunch of other things. As you grow up, take different paths, go through different life phases/stages, develop your personality and identity, you realise it's harder to get along with these friends like you used to just because of differentiation. This is completely natural, and it will happen. You start to rethink the friendship you had in the past and sometimes wish it was the way it was back in the day.
c) Friends that stick:
These friends come from the locations listed in categories a and b. I only have a few of these friends, but they are the ones who not only 'click' with me, but are supportive, open and honest, can connect on a deeper level, willing to share and show your vulnerabilities/struggles and put in the effort to keep the relationship going. Even when life tries to drive us apart through busy schedules, distance, emotional troubles, competition, ups and downs, we stick together. Because that's what a strong friendship is. It does not waver in times of distress, or falter from competing attention of significant others. It loves, shares, comforts, encourages, invests and enjoys each other's company. It is accepting, no matter what stage of life you are in, or how much you have changed over the years.
Wikipedia strikes again:
It defines the love between friends as 'Philia'. (Greek: φιλία). Friendship is the strong bond existing between people who share common interest or activity. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves, which explores the nature of love from a Christian and philosophical perspective. In it, he describes it as, "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary.. the least natural of loves". He claims this is because our species does not need friendship in order to reproduce, but to the classical and medieval worlds the more profound precisely because it is freely chosen. Apparently true friendships, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are almost a lost art. The modern society ignores friendship - to the Ancients, friendship seemed to be the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. Friendship grows out of companionship and appreciation, but due to our lack of experience in this, we cannot value its worth in its fullness.
I must admit, for the past few years, I did not see the importance in investing in friendships. I thought to myself, "If they don't put in the effort, why should I?" I detached myself from people because I was sick of dealing with problems, and putting up with conversations that seemed to waste my time. Thankfully, God opened my eyes to my own selfishness as I realised that I had actually stopped caring about my friends. As a result, I've had to deal with and put in two or three times the effort to mend the repercussions of my foolish decisions. God loves us all unconditionally (Agape love, the strongest of all the loves), and as His child, I have been called to share His unconditional love to not only my friends, but my enemies. This is no easy task, in fact it's impossible for humanity. It goes against logical or individualistic thoughts. Why would I disadvantage myself and put myself in a worse position, when the other ungrateful person doesn't reciprocate? But that's exactly what God did for us. He gave us everything, the world, and yet we broke our relationship with Him by sinning and wanting to do things our own way, when clearly His way is perfect and the best for us. Yet when we were caught up in our sin and didn't want anything to do with Him, He loved us, that He took the initiative to mend our broken relationship. He sent His Son to die to bear the punishment for our sin and make us right with Him. THIS is love. God's love compels me to love others like He loved me. It is only by the Holy Spirt that he enables me to do this. It is not natural for humans to love those who do not love us in return. It's God. God IS love. His very nature encompasses love. He shows us what love is, and teaches us how to love through his actions and words.
I encourage you to reflect on your own friendships. What kind of friend are you? Do you share on a deeper level with your friends? Do you support them through life, or even ask them how they're going? I'm by no means the friendship guru this post makes me out to be, I'm still trying to figure this out. Just wanted to share my thoughts and help myself gather my own. :) To my friends out there, whatever friend you are to me, you're precious. I'm thankful for all the moments we've spent time together, all the times you've put up with my unenthusiasm/craziness/uncaring attitude. Some last words of advice, friendship matters. I realised that friendship is an extra bit of warmth in your heart. It's a hug or a shoulder to cry on when you encounter a setback. It's a huge grin when you see that other person, or a laugh so hard you can't even breathe. Take time out and do simple things together. You'll learn to appreciate the true value of it.
a) Friends you make from places you have to be:
These include friends from school, uni or work. You are friends because you have classes together or because you have no-one else to hang out with. I'm not trying to undermine these friendships, because they can turn out to be the best ones, but in my experience, I've generally not been able to take these friendships to a deeper level. Of course I've had exceptions, but usually when you graduate or move to a different job, these friendships quickly drift apart. Sure you try to catch up once or twice, but you can't deny the fact that it's the circumstance that held your friendships together. When you get busier, either one of you doesn't put in the effort, and what you had in common is no longer there.
b) Friends you make from childhood:
These include friends from preschool (back when it still existed)/childcare/primary school friends, church friends (I grew up going to church). These friendships bring back the most memories. Back then, it was so simple and everything was so fun. We did life together and grew up together. We went to watch movies, do craft, have sleepovers together and a whole bunch of other things. As you grow up, take different paths, go through different life phases/stages, develop your personality and identity, you realise it's harder to get along with these friends like you used to just because of differentiation. This is completely natural, and it will happen. You start to rethink the friendship you had in the past and sometimes wish it was the way it was back in the day.
c) Friends that stick:
These friends come from the locations listed in categories a and b. I only have a few of these friends, but they are the ones who not only 'click' with me, but are supportive, open and honest, can connect on a deeper level, willing to share and show your vulnerabilities/struggles and put in the effort to keep the relationship going. Even when life tries to drive us apart through busy schedules, distance, emotional troubles, competition, ups and downs, we stick together. Because that's what a strong friendship is. It does not waver in times of distress, or falter from competing attention of significant others. It loves, shares, comforts, encourages, invests and enjoys each other's company. It is accepting, no matter what stage of life you are in, or how much you have changed over the years.
Wikipedia strikes again:
It defines the love between friends as 'Philia'. (Greek: φιλία). Friendship is the strong bond existing between people who share common interest or activity. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves, which explores the nature of love from a Christian and philosophical perspective. In it, he describes it as, "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary.. the least natural of loves". He claims this is because our species does not need friendship in order to reproduce, but to the classical and medieval worlds the more profound precisely because it is freely chosen. Apparently true friendships, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are almost a lost art. The modern society ignores friendship - to the Ancients, friendship seemed to be the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. Friendship grows out of companionship and appreciation, but due to our lack of experience in this, we cannot value its worth in its fullness.
I must admit, for the past few years, I did not see the importance in investing in friendships. I thought to myself, "If they don't put in the effort, why should I?" I detached myself from people because I was sick of dealing with problems, and putting up with conversations that seemed to waste my time. Thankfully, God opened my eyes to my own selfishness as I realised that I had actually stopped caring about my friends. As a result, I've had to deal with and put in two or three times the effort to mend the repercussions of my foolish decisions. God loves us all unconditionally (Agape love, the strongest of all the loves), and as His child, I have been called to share His unconditional love to not only my friends, but my enemies. This is no easy task, in fact it's impossible for humanity. It goes against logical or individualistic thoughts. Why would I disadvantage myself and put myself in a worse position, when the other ungrateful person doesn't reciprocate? But that's exactly what God did for us. He gave us everything, the world, and yet we broke our relationship with Him by sinning and wanting to do things our own way, when clearly His way is perfect and the best for us. Yet when we were caught up in our sin and didn't want anything to do with Him, He loved us, that He took the initiative to mend our broken relationship. He sent His Son to die to bear the punishment for our sin and make us right with Him. THIS is love. God's love compels me to love others like He loved me. It is only by the Holy Spirt that he enables me to do this. It is not natural for humans to love those who do not love us in return. It's God. God IS love. His very nature encompasses love. He shows us what love is, and teaches us how to love through his actions and words.
I encourage you to reflect on your own friendships. What kind of friend are you? Do you share on a deeper level with your friends? Do you support them through life, or even ask them how they're going? I'm by no means the friendship guru this post makes me out to be, I'm still trying to figure this out. Just wanted to share my thoughts and help myself gather my own. :) To my friends out there, whatever friend you are to me, you're precious. I'm thankful for all the moments we've spent time together, all the times you've put up with my unenthusiasm/craziness/uncaring attitude. Some last words of advice, friendship matters. I realised that friendship is an extra bit of warmth in your heart. It's a hug or a shoulder to cry on when you encounter a setback. It's a huge grin when you see that other person, or a laugh so hard you can't even breathe. Take time out and do simple things together. You'll learn to appreciate the true value of it.
Friday, 13 June 2014
Cloudy day for study
It's a Saturday, the first day of exam block for 2014. It's fairly cloudy and windy outside, which makes me want to snuggle up in bed and play pokémon. Alas, music study awaits. I'm trying hard to focus and minimise distractions by studying on the carpet and having my computer and music switched off - not enough to get me away from my phone though. Updating my Google Keep notes and downloading the Blogger app seems way more fun than reading and memorising.
I'd better get on with it though. I've got to keep with my study schedule which I've been following strictly so far. If I stay with it ill be on top of my study and exam block will be a much more pleasant experience. I feel like I'm on working holidays, at home, but studying. It's good in a way - can't wait to go on holidays and travel! I'll be on an adrenaline rush the whole time because I'm not going to be gone for long. There's the light at the end of the tunnel. Just have to keep on swimming :)
Friday, 23 May 2014
Psychology today: 6 sure signs of a healthy relationship
I've never reposted anything before, but this seemed like an interesting enough read for me to share.
All relationships are different, but scientific research has shown that certain patterns tend to emerge in healthy, stable, successful partnerships. Take a look at this evidence to evaluate your own relationship—or to gain some tips on how to foster happiness, attachment, love, and satisfaction in your partnership:
1. People in thriving relationships take on their partner's habits, interests, and mannerisms. Have you ever noticed how friends can change when they’re in a relationship? After dating for a little while, they pick up new goals and interests (You went hiking?); new and quirky turns of phrase (Did you really just say “awesomesauce”?); or new habits (When did you start drinking soy milk?). All of these changes, if they reflect habits of a new partner, are signs of self-other overlap, the process of integrating a romantic partner into the self (Aron & Aron, 1996). Self-other overlap is a sign of cognitive interdependence and predicts closeness, love, and relationship maintenance behaviors (Aron & Fraley, 1999), all characteristics of a thriving relationship.
2. In thriving relationships, partners support each others’ opportunities for growth. Fresh-off-the-press evidence suggests that people are more satisfied in their relationships when their partners actively support their efforts to expand their own horizons (Fivecoat, Tomlinson, Aron, & Caprariello, 2014). It’s a wonderful feeling to grow by taking on a new challenge like training for a half marathon or learning digital photography. These opportunities benefit the person experiencing self-growth, but also boost the relationship—that is, if the other partner is offering active affirming support—through comments like, “I bet you’ll be really good at that,” rather than passive remarks like, “Sounds alright" (p.7). The differential effect of active and passive support is evident primarily in on-going long-term relationships rather than new relationships.
3. Couples in thriving relationships share their emotions.It’s not enough just to talk with a partner; couples in thriving relationships engage in emotional self-disclosure—the communication of thoughts and ideas with another person. People might easily reveal facts about themselves to others, but sharing private thoughts, reactions, and feelings is a pathway to a deeper connection with a romantic partner, especially when that partner is an engaged listener. Laurenceau and colleagues (1998) showed that emotional self-disclosure to a responsive partner generates intimacy, an important component of healthy relationships.
4. Partners in thriving relationships engage in frequent non-sexual touch.
Physical touch can take many forms, but the importance of affectionate touch outside of sexual intimacy is often overlooked, despite its active role in supporting relationship health. Couples who engage in frequent physical affection—hugging, kissing on the face, kissing on the lips, massage, or cuddling—tend to be happier and more satisfied with their relationship (Gulledge, Gulledge, & Stahmann, 2003). This research also showed that while affectionate touch didn’t predict the amount of conflict couples experience, people who offered and welcomed non-sexual physical affection reported having an easier time recovering from conflict.
5. Individuals in thriving relationships pay less attention to other attractive people.A fascinating study revealed that the kind of relationship commitment that appears in thriving relationships activates an implicit attentional block against the allure of attractive alternative partners (Maner, Gailliot, & Miller, 2009). In a series of studies, Maner and colleagues primed heterosexual participants with a mating motive and then compared how single participants and participants in committed relationships performed on a computer task that measured their attention to attractive opposite-sex faces. Turns out that the participants in committed relationships paid less attention to the attractive alternatives. Love, it seems, provides an automatic defense system that helps keep people attentive to their current romantic partner.
6. In thriving relationships, couples see the positive sides of commitment.New evidence shows that romantic commitment is multifaceted, reflecting positive, negative, and constraining elements, and how people view their commitment predicts the quality of their romantic relationship (Weigel, Davis, & Woodard, 2014). This study revealed that individuals who tend to perceive their relationship as rich with positive commitment (joy, fulfillment, belonging) tend to relate less negative commitment (worry, irritation, hurt) and less constraint commitment (feeling tied down, stuck, stifled)—and they tend to be much more satisfied in their relationships overall. These people see their relationship as something they want to be in, not something they should or have to be in. Fostering positive views of commitment is a sure sign of a thriving relationship.
Relationships are complex, and their success is influenced by each individual, their interaction, and their social context. These signs are suggestions that a relationship is on a healthy path, but they operate within the broader context of the relationship and should be considered alongside other markers of relationship health.
All relationships are different, but scientific research has shown that certain patterns tend to emerge in healthy, stable, successful partnerships. Take a look at this evidence to evaluate your own relationship—or to gain some tips on how to foster happiness, attachment, love, and satisfaction in your partnership:
1. People in thriving relationships take on their partner's habits, interests, and mannerisms. Have you ever noticed how friends can change when they’re in a relationship? After dating for a little while, they pick up new goals and interests (You went hiking?); new and quirky turns of phrase (Did you really just say “awesomesauce”?); or new habits (When did you start drinking soy milk?). All of these changes, if they reflect habits of a new partner, are signs of self-other overlap, the process of integrating a romantic partner into the self (Aron & Aron, 1996). Self-other overlap is a sign of cognitive interdependence and predicts closeness, love, and relationship maintenance behaviors (Aron & Fraley, 1999), all characteristics of a thriving relationship.
2. In thriving relationships, partners support each others’ opportunities for growth. Fresh-off-the-press evidence suggests that people are more satisfied in their relationships when their partners actively support their efforts to expand their own horizons (Fivecoat, Tomlinson, Aron, & Caprariello, 2014). It’s a wonderful feeling to grow by taking on a new challenge like training for a half marathon or learning digital photography. These opportunities benefit the person experiencing self-growth, but also boost the relationship—that is, if the other partner is offering active affirming support—through comments like, “I bet you’ll be really good at that,” rather than passive remarks like, “Sounds alright" (p.7). The differential effect of active and passive support is evident primarily in on-going long-term relationships rather than new relationships.
3. Couples in thriving relationships share their emotions.It’s not enough just to talk with a partner; couples in thriving relationships engage in emotional self-disclosure—the communication of thoughts and ideas with another person. People might easily reveal facts about themselves to others, but sharing private thoughts, reactions, and feelings is a pathway to a deeper connection with a romantic partner, especially when that partner is an engaged listener. Laurenceau and colleagues (1998) showed that emotional self-disclosure to a responsive partner generates intimacy, an important component of healthy relationships.
4. Partners in thriving relationships engage in frequent non-sexual touch.
Physical touch can take many forms, but the importance of affectionate touch outside of sexual intimacy is often overlooked, despite its active role in supporting relationship health. Couples who engage in frequent physical affection—hugging, kissing on the face, kissing on the lips, massage, or cuddling—tend to be happier and more satisfied with their relationship (Gulledge, Gulledge, & Stahmann, 2003). This research also showed that while affectionate touch didn’t predict the amount of conflict couples experience, people who offered and welcomed non-sexual physical affection reported having an easier time recovering from conflict.
5. Individuals in thriving relationships pay less attention to other attractive people.A fascinating study revealed that the kind of relationship commitment that appears in thriving relationships activates an implicit attentional block against the allure of attractive alternative partners (Maner, Gailliot, & Miller, 2009). In a series of studies, Maner and colleagues primed heterosexual participants with a mating motive and then compared how single participants and participants in committed relationships performed on a computer task that measured their attention to attractive opposite-sex faces. Turns out that the participants in committed relationships paid less attention to the attractive alternatives. Love, it seems, provides an automatic defense system that helps keep people attentive to their current romantic partner.
6. In thriving relationships, couples see the positive sides of commitment.New evidence shows that romantic commitment is multifaceted, reflecting positive, negative, and constraining elements, and how people view their commitment predicts the quality of their romantic relationship (Weigel, Davis, & Woodard, 2014). This study revealed that individuals who tend to perceive their relationship as rich with positive commitment (joy, fulfillment, belonging) tend to relate less negative commitment (worry, irritation, hurt) and less constraint commitment (feeling tied down, stuck, stifled)—and they tend to be much more satisfied in their relationships overall. These people see their relationship as something they want to be in, not something they should or have to be in. Fostering positive views of commitment is a sure sign of a thriving relationship.
Relationships are complex, and their success is influenced by each individual, their interaction, and their social context. These signs are suggestions that a relationship is on a healthy path, but they operate within the broader context of the relationship and should be considered alongside other markers of relationship health.
It's been a while
Indeed it has. Simply because I have not gathered enough motivation to do so. Just got stuff to do at the end of the day and I get tired pretty easily so no energy. These days I don't even know what to blog about. We're up to week 12 now so it's not long until the crazy exam period. I have to say though, this semester has been the easiest I've ever had. So chill - probably because there's more practical stuff to get us ready for placement next sem. I'm excited to see where God takes me, and I know it'll be a fantastic experience. But then again, there goes my already tiny income. God has blessed me with a good family and boyfriend who are willing to support me for that time, but I'm happy to chip into the money I've saved over the last 2 years. It'll definitely be enough, I just have to keep telling myself I'll earn the money I spend in the 12 months in much less than a month if I can find a job.
Yesterday, mum and I went to the city to get stuff done and stopped at temt to have a look. I've been in desperate need of jeans for a long long time now - my old pair I got in 2008. They were skinny jeans but I've worn them so much they are stretched out and look like straight jeans, and the bum and knee area are so white. Yes, I have looked for jeans but I've never managed to find a pair that will actually fit me. Either the legs are too tight and the waist is too big, or the other way round. Always no good. I must have been going through an awkward body shape phase, or maybe I'm just asian and short. Nevertheless, I finally find a pair that was stretchyish and fit well. Saw some jeans at temt, so I thought why not.. it's probably not going to fit but I have nothing else to do while my mum looks at clothes. It fit like a glove :') So I had to get it. I took interest in the collared shirt because I've been wearing tights for the past year or so and I don't have longer tops which cover my bum. I cannot remember the last time I wore a collared shirt (maybe in high school haha), so this is an item of clothing I am unfamiliar with, but I thought I would give it a try. If I like it, I might invest in more, but one is enough for me now. The bow was on sale, and just to spice up my boring black forest of hair. By the way, don't get me wrong - I'm not one of those people who post up all the clothes they buy, but this was kind of a momentous occasion just because I can't remember the last time I bought clothes. Okay now that I think of it, it was probably at the start of this year when I went to Melbourne... but that was nearly half a year ago. Just happy I guess :)
Oh and another thing, I'm starting to really enjoy going to BSF. It's such a drag for me still, being so time consuming and all, but I've really gotten a lot out of it. God is using the book of Matthew to teach me so much about Jesus, encourage me, and prompt me to examine myself. I'm even starting to enjoy the hymns! We sing out of a hymn book and all the songs are pretty old fashioned. I'm realising though that there's something unique about hymns, and singing with a whole bunch of ladies makes me happy and appreciative, especially when one of the girls in my group sings some really tricky harmony so damn well! Even the drive to and from the church is enjoyable because I can have a chat with my friend in the car. I hope God keeps me in Brisbane so I can continue to attend, and keep getting so much of this rich spiritual food.
Wow such a long post this ended up to be. Anyways, with that being said, I should do some BSF homework
Saturday, 29 March 2014
How to save a life
Today, I attended a CPR + first aid course in the city. I knew it was going to be a tiring day (9-3:30), but I learnt a lot and got to do things I've never done before! The instructor had a knack for making us all laugh, but as the day wore on, I got over his jokes. Our class had many Singaporeans (that was the majority - there were even two indians who were Singaporean), one Korean, one Vietnamese, one HK (me!) and 3-4 white people. Physio and OT dominated (I think it's because the SHRS sent out health requirement emails to everybody so we all went to get our first aid done haha). Singaporeans are taking over allied health and indians are taking over med. True story.
CPR went by with a breeze, we did babies and adults and got a free face mask! First aid was interesting and pretty practical. Here are some things I learnt/got to do:
CPR went by with a breeze, we did babies and adults and got a free face mask! First aid was interesting and pretty practical. Here are some things I learnt/got to do:
- How taking simple steps increases a person's survival rates e.g. using a spacer with a puffer
- If unsure, call the ambo!
- Poison line 131126 for qualified assistance - toxicologists, medical students, pharmacists
- Better to help than to do nothing
- How important is a first aid kit! Bandages, puffers, face masks, spacers, gloves, epipens can make the world of difference!
- If someone's having an asthma attack and they don't have a puffer, ask the crowd if anybody has one or go to the local chemist and get one there + bring the pharmacist with you
- You can have an epilepsy without any movement - the person just pauses
- Do not move a person with a fracture/dislocation/protruding object - splint and bandage them
- A.M.P.L.E - questions to ask someone who is in need of first aid (Any allergies? Medications that they take for their condition? Past history? Last meal? Event history?) These questions can tell you a lot/can affect your decision making!
- Know where you are! As in the exact street address, because ambos find you if you don't!
- Stay calm and look like you know what you're doing so the casualty doesn't freak out even more and exacerbate their condition.
I'm sure I learnt more, but here are just some. I hope I never have to perform first aid/CPR on a person, but if I do, I pray that I can do a good job at it. At the end of the day, I rewarded myself with a necklace from colette. All jewellery was 50% off, so it was only $5! Jeffy picked me up and I had a really nice meal with him and his parents :)
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