I'm not old, but I can say that I've lived long enough to make some observations on the phenomenon of friendship. There are three kinds of friendships:
a) Friends you make from places you have to be:
These include friends from school, uni or work. You are friends because you have classes together or because you have no-one else to hang out with. I'm not trying to undermine these friendships, because they can turn out to be the best ones, but in my experience, I've generally not been able to take these friendships to a deeper level. Of course I've had exceptions, but usually when you graduate or move to a different job, these friendships quickly drift apart. Sure you try to catch up once or twice, but you can't deny the fact that it's the circumstance that held your friendships together. When you get busier, either one of you doesn't put in the effort, and what you had in common is no longer there.
b) Friends you make from childhood:
These include friends from preschool (back when it still existed)/childcare/primary school friends, church friends (I grew up going to church). These friendships bring back the most memories. Back then, it was so simple and everything was so fun. We did life together and grew up together. We went to watch movies, do craft, have sleepovers together and a whole bunch of other things. As you grow up, take different paths, go through different life phases/stages, develop your personality and identity, you realise it's harder to get along with these friends like you used to just because of differentiation. This is completely natural, and it will happen. You start to rethink the friendship you had in the past and sometimes wish it was the way it was back in the day.
c) Friends that stick:
These friends come from the locations listed in categories a and b. I only have a few of these friends, but they are the ones who not only 'click' with me, but are supportive, open and honest, can connect on a deeper level, willing to share and show your vulnerabilities/struggles and put in the effort to keep the relationship going. Even when life tries to drive us apart through busy schedules, distance, emotional troubles, competition, ups and downs, we stick together. Because that's what a strong friendship is. It does not waver in times of distress, or falter from competing attention of significant others. It loves, shares, comforts, encourages, invests and enjoys each other's company. It is accepting, no matter what stage of life you are in, or how much you have changed over the years.
Wikipedia strikes again:
It defines the love between friends as 'Philia'. (Greek: φιλία). Friendship is the strong bond existing between people who share common interest or activity. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called The Four Loves, which explores the nature of love from a Christian and philosophical perspective. In it, he describes it as, "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious and necessary.. the least natural of loves". He claims this is because our species does not need friendship in order to reproduce, but to the classical and medieval worlds the more profound precisely because it is freely chosen. Apparently true friendships, like the friendship between David and Jonathan in the Bible, are almost a lost art. The modern society ignores friendship - to the Ancients, friendship seemed to be the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue. Friendship grows out of companionship and appreciation, but due to our lack of experience in this, we cannot value its worth in its fullness.
I must admit, for the past few years, I did not see the importance in investing in friendships. I thought to myself, "If they don't put in the effort, why should I?" I detached myself from people because I was sick of dealing with problems, and putting up with conversations that seemed to waste my time. Thankfully, God opened my eyes to my own selfishness as I realised that I had actually stopped caring about my friends. As a result, I've had to deal with and put in two or three times the effort to mend the repercussions of my foolish decisions. God loves us all unconditionally (Agape love, the strongest of all the loves), and as His child, I have been called to share His unconditional love to not only my friends, but my enemies. This is no easy task, in fact it's impossible for humanity. It goes against logical or individualistic thoughts. Why would I disadvantage myself and put myself in a worse position, when the other ungrateful person doesn't reciprocate? But that's exactly what God did for us. He gave us everything, the world, and yet we broke our relationship with Him by sinning and wanting to do things our own way, when clearly His way is perfect and the best for us. Yet when we were caught up in our sin and didn't want anything to do with Him, He loved us, that He took the initiative to mend our broken relationship. He sent His Son to die to bear the punishment for our sin and make us right with Him. THIS is love. God's love compels me to love others like He loved me. It is only by the Holy Spirt that he enables me to do this. It is not natural for humans to love those who do not love us in return. It's God. God IS love. His very nature encompasses love. He shows us what love is, and teaches us how to love through his actions and words.
I encourage you to reflect on your own friendships. What kind of friend are you? Do you share on a deeper level with your friends? Do you support them through life, or even ask them how they're going? I'm by no means the friendship guru this post makes me out to be, I'm still trying to figure this out. Just wanted to share my thoughts and help myself gather my own. :) To my friends out there, whatever friend you are to me, you're precious. I'm thankful for all the moments we've spent time together, all the times you've put up with my unenthusiasm/craziness/uncaring attitude. Some last words of advice, friendship matters. I realised that friendship is an extra bit of warmth in your heart. It's a hug or a shoulder to cry on when you encounter a setback. It's a huge grin when you see that other person, or a laugh so hard you can't even breathe. Take time out and do simple things together. You'll learn to appreciate the true value of it.
